Denzel Washington Declines Disney’s $50 Million Project, ‘They’re Too Woke’

In a shocking turn of events, Denzel Washington, the actor known for his nuanced portrayals of complex characters, has turned down a whopping $50 million project with Disney. The reason? According to Washington, Disney is “just too woke” for him. While some might see this as a principled stand, others are left wondering if Washington’s alarm clock is just set a few hours behind the times.

Over the past few years, Disney has been on a mission to out-woke every other studio in Hollywood. From introducing a princess who’s passionate about recycling to a prince who’s a vocal advocate for veganism, Disney has been ticking off every box in the progressive handbook. Rumor has it that their next project involves a musical number about composting set in the world of “Frozen”. Elsa and Anna singing about the benefits of organic waste? Now that’s a sequel worth waiting for.

Denzel, however, seems to have missed the memo about Hollywood’s new direction. When asked about his decision, he remarked, “I just wanted to do a film about a regular guy who recycles because it’s the right thing to do, not because he’s trying to impress his eco-conscious love interest.” Ah, the good old days when characters had depth beyond their recycling habits.

Hollywood, never one to shy away from a juicy story, has had mixed reactions to Washington’s decision. One anonymous director remarked, “I always knew Denzel was a method actor, but I didn’t realize his method involved living under a rock.” Meanwhile, a prominent actress was overheard saying, “If being woke means getting $50 million, then someone please hand me an alarm clock.”

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