There will be a few different gatherings to celebrate the life of Toby Keith. The one his friends and family will hold most dear, their private gathering in Oklahoma, won’t include Taylor Swift.

“The family needs to protect itself from the media circus,” said Keith Spokesman Joe Barron, “They can’t have Toby’s final event on this earth to be a repeat of the NFL playoffs.”

The Nielsen Corporation did a study and found that if the event is televised, Taylor Swift would be on camera as much if not more than Toby Keith.

“That would almost make sense,” said Nielsen President Joe Barron, “Especially since Toby is…deceased. He’ll probably get little live camera time. The family is concerned that the times they are showing a casket or an image of Toby that the news will, instead, pan to Taylor’s reaction.”

That makes sense, patriots. The last Chiefs game I watched was almost all Tay Tay. They skipped most of the third quarter while Tony Romo did a rundown of what it must have been like for Travis to watch the Eras Tour knowing he’s going home with the star.

As for Swift, you just know she’s in it all for the free publicity she thinks being literally the most popular person on the planet has earned her. Like it’s hard to get almost a billion social media followers. It’s all candy after the first hundred million.